Too often, I find myself shedding tears to memories that came into my life and somehow left marks and scars that would never fade. No matter how I try to conceal them and try to heal them, they keep on aching, the keep on bleeding. All this time, I have been hiding all the emotions behind my smiling face. I have always been searching for something, or someone who could ease the pain, who could erase all the sad memories. But those memories kept haunting me. They kept on hurting me so deep. Relationship after relationship, nothing happens. And here I am, sunk in a poignant life no one would desire to have.
Probably the reason why I have been very emotional when it comes to relationships lies on the past. My very first serious relationship was the first heartbreak I had, the first heartache I felt. Was there something wrong with me? Have I not been pretty enough to make him stay? Should have I been smarter enough to find a way to keep our relationship? Or was I stupid enough to have been fooled? I absolutely could blame him. And I could blame myself too. But hell no! He had his games. He had his dirty intentions, which I was not up to. I was just a college girl looking forward to a great college life, and there he was, playing around. I stood up to my choice not to give in to his desires and eventually, he drifted away. It was painful on my part because I had sincere and pure intentions and plans for our relationship. But somehow, it was a good thing to have lost him. Because there simply is nothing good in keeping him. And probably I would have sailed a thousand regrets into a river of tears if I made the wrong decision.
This event in my life has been a learning experience though. To have fallen in love. To have been hurt. And for having chosen the right way and for making the right decisions for my self.
~Musings from a girl who learned her lesson
